24 Thoughts for 24 Years
Reflection
This birthday feels like the most reflective one I’ve had so far.
Last year, I had low expectations for 23. I was unhappy with myself physically and mentally and wasn’t happy with where I was.
Unlike the years before, I had entered my ‘adult life,' by turning 23 or so I thought. I was convinced I was alone in the world and needed to learn to rely on myself and only myself.
I constantly compared myself to anyone I could from their jobs to what they ate. I was unsatisfied with every part of my life and haunted by the phrase “if you’re not happy, change it.“
I was so bothered by this phrase because I knew I was unhappy, yet I didn’t know how to fix it.
I’ve been lucky to have been dealt a good hand of cards for most of my life, so when things finally hit a wall and proved to be challenging, I didn’t know what to do.
I think 23 taught me that change doesn’t happen overnight.
As the clock strikes midnight, and I turn 24, I realize I needed this whole year to change my unhappiness, not just one day.
Here are 24 thoughts from the last 24 years of my life
(if this looks too long for you, just read the blue bullets )
It’s okay to make mistakes
My therapist tells me I’m too hard on myself. In response, I tell her if I let myself get away with things, then I’m giving myself excuses for failing. Then she usually suggests we make another appointment.
When I realized that mistakes don’t equate to failing, I started succeeding.
During my first week at my new job, I had one day where I made ten mistakes in a row. From the twenty-minute phone call I got stuck on to not knowing how to use our printer, I felt my skin start to crawl. During that shit-show, as I was watching the patron press random buttons on the computer to hopefully print his paper, I told myself to breath. And then I reminded myself that mistakes are important because without them, I wouldn’t know what I did wrong and how to fix it for the future. I learned a lot from that first string of mistakes at work and instead of stewing in them and mentally berating myself, I thought instead, ‘Julia you will learn from these mistakes and not make them again. You’re better because of these mistakes.’
And guess what, I know how to use the printer now.
Rejections don’t reflect you
Someone the other day told me that a famous author used to hang up all his rejection letters around his house. Out loud, I responded with ‘oh gosh, I could probably do that too with all my rejection letters.’ In my head I thought, ‘why would I do that when every single rejection I’ve ever received is on display like a gallery in my head?’
Since graduating, I can’t count the amount of rejections I’ve received; my worst one still haunts me, but similar to my thoughts on making mistakes, you learn from rejection too.
I’ve learned that sometimes, you deserve to be told no. Life isn’t sugarcoated. A rejection is the harsh reality that your attempt could’ve been better.
Your attempt - not you.
You’re not being rejected, your attempt at a job or publication is. Remember that you are not the document you’re sending to some stranger across the web.
It’s okay to cry about it though.
Trust your own decisions
I very rarely trust my own decisions. Most of the time I assume someone else’s thoughts are better just because they aren’t mine. I put so much weight on other people’s opinions without ever acknowledging mine.
When I started to listen and trust myself, I realized that I am someone I can rely on. Especially when I realized the only reason I trusted other people was because they weren’t me. You need to be your biggest supporter.
It’s okay if you like something that others don’t
Similar to number 3, you’re allowed to have your own thoughts! If someone tells you something about themself, it doesn’t instantly mean they’re better than you. It doesn't mean they live their life better, it just means they have different tastes and that’s okay!
Weirdly, this was something I only recently noticed I do, so it might’ve been something I picked up in adulthood. Growing up doesn’t mean you instantly gain self confidence. It’s something you need to consistently work on. So, remember that you’re your own person and you should have interests that others don’t!
Eat what you want add what you need
I saw this random woman on TikTok once say “eat what you want - add what you need,“ and it was life-changing. As someone who fixates on the idea of being healthy, adjusting my thoughts to sound more like this one was important. Instead of hating myself for wanting a sandwich, I could add things to it and to the side to make the meal more rounded. It isn’t bad eating what you want - it’s bad not giving yourself what you need.
You’re not too old to rely on your parents
I moved back home after graduating and would feel this giant sense of guilt whenever they did something for me. I felt like I was lazy and taking advantage of their kindness.
It’s okay to rely on your parents, but it’s not okay to be ungrateful. Remind your parents how much you appreciate what they’re doing and make the effort to help your parents. They took care of you for 24 years, I think it’s time to return the favor. A little bit goes a long way.
It’s okay to stay in
You’re not wasting your life if you’re not going out every weekend.
You’re not boring if you prefer to experience a new place without drinking and partying.
It wasn’t until this past year that I realized how much worth I placed on partying. I thought I wasn’t experiencing a place if I didn’t go out. I was better off when I realized I wasn’t wasting my night by going to bed at nine.
Spend time with people who make you happy
If someone makes you happy, then you should feel good about being with then. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent, an 80-year-old, six year old, or an animal. If they make you happy, then keep spending time with them.
Money isn’t everything
One of my biggest insecurities since graduating is not making as much money as other people my age. I worry that I’m lesser than if I have a job that doesn’t pay enough. Our society places too much wroth on money.
Though it’s important, and becoming more important every year, it should never be someone’s defining feature.
Once you realize that the amount of money you make doesn't define you or your job, you instantly start to enjoy your work more. I’m not making toss around money at my job, but when I stop thinking about money and start thinking about what I get to do everyday, I start to enjoy it.
Live in the moment and enjoy what you’re doing.
The grass isn’t always greener
Comparison has been a horrible habit of mine for my whole life, but since graduating last year it’s grown a horrifying amount. This time last year I dreaded leaving my house in case someone asked me what I was up to. I was afraid to say nannying because it might not compare to what they were doing at my age. I was afraid I wasn’t living up to other people my age.
I couldn’t go out without running to the bathroom frequently to check my appearance in the mirror. I was so worried how I looked compared to other people around me.
Comparison is deadly. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, you’ll never be happy with yourself. Instead, you’ll always wish you were someone else. Good news for you though, someone else is taken, so be yourself because it’s enough.
You can’t avoid every hard thing in your life
This past summer I was so exhausted from working. I couldn't enjoy anything I was doing because all I thought about was sleep. Then a friend told me about a piece of advice someone gave them. They said, there are always going to be hard things in your life because you can’t avoid them. You get to pick what hard things you cut out and the ones you accept. Cut out the unnecessary heavy loads so you have the strength to carry the important ones.
When I find myself drowning in self-pity, I remember that life will always have hard things if I want to get to where I need to be. Accept the things you can’t avoid.
Laugh at yourself
I fear embarrassment. Most of my anxieties stem from the fear of embarrassing myself.
Unfortunately, I’ve realized that sometimes, I’m an embarrassing person.
I realized this after flying alone a bunch of times. Sadly, I’m the girl who’s bag falls on her head when she’s trying to put it in the overhang compartment or the one who gets all situated, then realizes she’s in the wrong seat. While I could cry about all these things, I’ve started to just laugh. If you giggle instead of screaming other people have to laugh too.
Now they’re not laughing at you, they’re laughing with you!
You can’t tell someone to unfuck themself
I have a short temper. It’s easy to piss me off. When I tell you there is one person who I’ve almost told to fuck off so many times in the past five years, I mean it. But my dad always reminds me, it’s easy to tell someone to go fuck themselves, but it’s harder to tell them to unfuck themselves.
Give yourself the 24-hour rule then see how you feel.
Wear what you want!
I’ll make this one short and sweet. WEAR WHAT YOU WANT. It’s okay if everyone hates your outfit. All that matters is that you love it and wear it confidently. Fashion icons don’t become icons by wearing the same thing as everyone else.
If people are judging your outfit, it means you’re the icon in the making and they’re the ones who will be following your trends one day.
No sex is better than bad sex.
Sorry if you’re my uncle reading this, but you know it’s true.
Stop forcing yourself to have bas sex just to say you’re doing it! Life is so much better without it. Trust me.
Everything isn’t always about you
Though this might sound harsh, it’s true! Someone isn’t texting you back? They probably have something more important going on. Did someone give you an attitude last week? Maybe they were having a bad day.
I take things so personally, from an attitude change to a weird glance. If I take everything that offends me personally, I’d have no friends. Instead, I’ve started reminding myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me and there’s a high chance that I’m not the reason someone is acting that way. You might be the center of your world, but you’re not the center of everyone else’s.
Small acts go a long way
We live in a world where we prioritize ourselves and only ourselves. Putting yourself first has been confused with only thinking about yourself.
You can prioritize yourself while still giving back to the people you care about. For a while, I realized I started saying no more than yes because I thought I didn’t owe anyone anything, but I still expected things in return. Whenever people ask me things, and my gut answer is no, I make myself revaluate. Am I saying no truly because I can’t do this thing or because it inconveniences me?
Sometimes an inconvenience for you is the only thing keeping someone from a mental breakdown. It’s okay to be inconvenienced. Help a guy out.
Kindness is not overrated
Similar to 17, kindness is rare nowadays. Last month, I was struggling to get my bag in the overhang compartment on a plane, and only a 70-year-old woman stood up to help me. Lend a helping hand!
Kindness goes a long way. In high school on a run during cross country practice, the girls and I stopped to help an older woman carry her groceries into the house. The woman ended up calling our high school to say thank you.
Hug your parents goodnight
Most nights my brother and I end up watching TV in our parent’s room. When it’s time for bed, I hug and kiss my parents goodnight. Why shouldn’t I? Give me one good reason, but you won’t be able to find one.
Somehow, showing love and vulnerability has become a thing of the past. I’m here to tell you we’re bringing it back. Hug your parents goodnight if you can. The only thing that will happen is you’ll go to bed with a smile on your face and sweet dreams.
Let your parents baby you
Someone recently told me my mom babies me, and it has sat with me for a long time.
It was meant as an insult, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s true. And I’m okay with it. Everyone deserves to be babied. It’s a shortened word for ‘taking care of someone.‘
Instead of feeling silly for having my mom baby me, I started feeling grateful. Some people don’t have a parent who puts your needs before theirs, but I do, and I don’t need to apologize for it. Instead, I need to make sure my mom knows how much I love her. That’s all that matters.
Celebrate your achievements
If you don’t celebrate your achievements, from smallest to largest, you’ll never be happy. When I noticed I was skipping over things like new publications and shout outs at work, I realized I wasn’t giving myself time to be happy for myself.
The phrase is cheesy, but it’s true. Be your own biggest cheerleader!
Don’t believe what you see on TV
I know I know. We’ve been told this since we were born, but unfortunately, I’m still a victim of it.
Despite knowing what I see on social media isn’t real life, I believe it. When I see someone smiling, I assume they’re happier than me. When I see someone’s body, I assume it always looks like that with minimum effort.
Always try to give yourself reality checks because they’re necessary.
Bigger isn’t always better
Despite what Sharpay Evans taught us, bigger isn’t always better. As someone who rather go big than go home, I have to remind myself that it’s okay for something to be small. A party doesn’t need to be project x styled to be amazing. Sometimes it’s better to spend your night with 3 friends rather than 30. It’s okay to not have an extravagant job that sends you to parties and events. Maybe working at a library for now is enough. What would Sharpay think? I think she’d just be happy that I’m happy.
Sometimes all you need is your cat
I write this at 12:48 am and so far the only person to wish me happy birthday is my cat, and that’s all I need. He sleeps at my feet right now and reminds me that you don’t need much. All you need is one person to love you. And I have my cat Newt.
Final Credits
Last year, I thought I was destined for a sad and boring life. One year later, I’m working at a library, being PAID for my writing for the first time, solo traveled in Italy for six weeks, and so much more.
Life gets better, not easier. Never stop working towards happiness.
I know this is long, but I’m 24 now, and I have a lot of wisdom to share. Thanks for reading!
Love you xoxo
